By Neli Ivanova.
When I sat in class and first heard about this husband having so many affairs and keeping track of them through his own personal video collection, I was really shocked. I realized as the class discussion began unfolding that I was reacting emotionally, not logically. When I took a step back and heard the question “Is he just evil for what he did or is there something else”, this made me wonder about our culture. I’ve seen and heard of court cases in which people are found ‘not guilty by reason of insanity’. I tried keeping this in mind as I watched this interview, instead of reacting emotionally.
In order for the ex-husband to keep such an extensive and detailed collection of his affairs, he must have felt some type of rewarding stimulus or obsession with it; in other words, addiction. Dr. Patrick Carnes (2011) defines addiction as a brain disease due to the brain being altered and adjusting if used to cope with stress and pain, leading the brain to shift and move, depending on perception. This perception will eventually turn from an impulse into compulsive behavior and this is considered addiction. To retrace the steps of the ex-husband and keep in mind he was sexually abused while interning at a Catholic school is one factor that plays into his addictive behaviors, however, Dr. Carnes states that addiction is ‘formed’ very early in life, when the brain is still developing. This means that children, as young as 5th grade, expose themselves for the first time to stimulus that alters their brain. This initial experience involves bottom-up processing, based entirely off of incoming information with no previous knowledge. Watching porn, for example, could be one of these experiences. Since their brains are still developing and are considered susceptible to alteration and change, exposing oneself to stimuli that drives a feeling of desire, power, authority and curiosity changes the way the brain structures itself. Therefore, the brain is “set” this way from that point forward, in a different state.
It is possible that the ex-husband had a similar stimulating experience at a very young age, that caused his brain state to ultimately alter his mind state, but we don’t know this for sure. What is known is the fact that he was sexually abused while interning. According to Dr. Carnes, many sex addicts have a history of being sexually abused, and fear plays a big role in addiction. Fear is a stress factor that drives behavior, and you can’t have addiction without stress because of what it does to the brain; the element of fear and stress is always there.
Sex addiction is not spoken freely about in our culture today. Many people are very private about this topic, because society deems people “evil” for being cheaters, liars and having low morals. Our culture today is based off of prior knowledge, back in the day there were less sex addicts but with Internet, they have evolved. Our culture is purely a product of our top-down processing. Using previous knowledge, everything we know from our past experiences, and applying it to form conclusions about addiction, people with addiction and people’s behavior connected to addiction is the root of our society today.
Society’s perception on sex addiction can be altered with brain imaging technology. Brain imaging can explain to us the parts of the story that were missing when observing someone’s behavior. For example, how did the husband get to this point? At what stage in his relationship or in his life did he become addicted? What exactly is the reason for this behavior? Can he help the way he acts or his addiction? Is the addiction his fault or out of his hands? In the interview, Dr. Carnes states that when looking at brain images of addicts (whether it’s sex addicts or alcoholics) versus brain imaging of “normal” people, the brain images of the addicts appear different in structure and show different patterns of activity. The images show that something was experienced or occurred in the addict’s brain life that caused it to be altered physically and neurologically.
In the ex-husband’s case, he was sexually abused. This may have instilled fear in him of constantly being a victim and therefore, he seeks power and authority in his addiction. The extensive amounts of organized sex tapes with different women signifies that he takes pride in being dominant, powerful and in control. He keeps track of these videos by dating them and sorting them chronologically in order to suppress his fears, and in turn, this behavior continues to feed his addiction. His wife was no longer part of the equation, because it wasn’t about her feelings or their relationship. The ex-husband developed his addiction as a coping mechanism to his traumatizing, sexual abuse experiences in his past. His brain chemistry was altered drastically at time of the experience and his videos, affairs and deep addiction is the product of this.
Carnes P. (2011) Dr. Patrick Carnes, Leading Sex Addiction Expert, Video Interview by Joe Polish. YouTube, 03 12 2011.
